Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
