i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
