Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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