ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
