Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
We have started to decorate penises.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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