some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
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