I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
