I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
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