I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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