conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
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