i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
