the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
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