You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Randomize
