Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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