remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
