Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
