You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
