apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
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