OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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