i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
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