sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Randomize
