like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
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