Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
