is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
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