Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
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