i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
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