My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
