Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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