would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Randomize
