Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
