I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Randomize
