I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize
