Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
