giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
