Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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