By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
