I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
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