She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
