Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
