i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
How naked do you want me to be?
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
