I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
