My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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