I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
