And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
