What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
