Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
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