i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
