in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Randomize
