I am spending my child support on dildos
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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