this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
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