So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
