Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
