Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
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