Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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