Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Randomize
